Magic Daddy Long Legs - he's green

So what did I wake up to today? Landon and Evans conversation about...this:


Landon: Oooohhh magic green Grandaddy Looonnngg Leegggss - (dramatic pause) - (now really really fast) Where's your cow, wheres your cow, wheres your cow cow cow coooowwwww?

Evan: (shreik) - Aaaaahhhh Loook he did it he did it he did it!!!!!

Landon: yeah! He lifted his leg and pointed to the field outside! Told you he was magic!


Repeat this about 4X - each time a little louder.

Loud smacking sound...

Landon: EVAN! Why did you do that, jeez?

Evan: haha I squished him. Him's not magic no mo.

I love, love, love Intercourse!!

Yes I do...Intercourse PA that is. It is the cutest most quaint little town in Amish country and probably one of the best places of the many that I visited last week in PA. Just for the record...philadelphia is not on my good list. Any city that actually smells like old dirty socks and stale popcorn combined has issues. Particularly if there is neither a sock recycling center around NOR a popcorn factory which is the only viable excuse a city can have to explain that kind of smell.


Anyway, back to intercourse. It was actually quite happening. I guess lots of people visit and stay in the inns and buy quilts. Personally I just like to watch the Amish ride around in their little black buggies and see all the little amish boys running around and playing in the fields. ahhhh such a simpler time....blah blah blah. Of course there are hella lot of Mennonites there too. The biggest difference that I noted, was that the Mennonites must go to their own Mennonite School of Driving where the motto is "It's not considered vehicular manslaughter if the Devil made you do it." Which incidentally is not only the motto but the standard plea bargain as well. I was nearly manslaughtered about 30 times.

You know...if I were Amish...I would wear some Mennonite clothes (which are very similar) and then I would hijack a car and go for a joyride. Then when the cops came to my house I'd be like...what the heck, I'm Amish, I don't drive. Check out the mennonites.

Oh and I think some great town slogans would be....

Welcome to Intercourse...where even a headache can't keep you away!

Intercourse...you're in it before you know it, and out just as quick!
Intercourse...it's only sex to the rest of the world.

Intercourse...makers of fine cheese!

Kanye's Little Helper

What started out as a silly conversation mutated into a drivetime trance...believe me, 4 hours in a car alone and this is the kind of crap that runs through your head....


Kanye West - addtional lyrics he could have used in Stronger

Oh and I do give Kanye big props on making anything rhyme with Apollonia - oh and I'm submitting the cliff notes of lyrics but you'll get the basic idea...


Kanye says: How long I been on ya....
since Prince was on Apollonia
since OJ had isotona's


Here are some additional lyrics I thought he could use to mix it up a little....
since....

The Knack recorded My Sharona

oscar mayer made bologna

Clinton played the saxaphona

Bell invented the telephona

priests couldnt leave little boys alona

Elvis made girls scream and moana

scientists deciphered the Rosetta Stona

cheese was put on macarona

this old man gave the dog a bona

Pete Rose needed an organ dona

ladies been givin their man cologna

limes been put into corona

DQ swirled their ice cream cona

the big ol' whale swallowed Jonah

scooby doo said rutro I reard a groana

latinos like the look of chroma

Britney was hooked on Hydrocona

My BabyPhat Legacy

I finally have decided that my son Evan is my very own mini Kimora Lee Simmons. He would change clothes about 3x a day if I let him and is VERY particular about how the clothes look on him. The fit, the fabric and even the color all have to be just perfect. So many times I just sit back and admire how the red cowboy boots play off the purple and yellow striped tee that he has so carefully matched with green windbreaker shorts/pants. Of course, they are unzipped at the knee and made into shorts. Even Halloween costumes prove no different, thus his creation of the Vampire Mummy. He suggested that Landon be a Ninja Reaper and not just a boring old ninja. So based on his fashion wisdom, I have a list of essentials that no little Kimora should be without. There is no distinction between Chic Kimora wear, southern girl/boy wear, trendy french wear or the metro Kimora look. BabyPhat by Evan is simply...perfection.


Guidelines for your own stylish BabyPhat wardrobe

Anything camo can be worn with anything plaid
Boots with shorts is not just Southern style, it's high fashion school wear
Sweatpants and crocs...the new classic (oh and you know some of you already are on that trend)
Rubber Bands make great bracelets for Sundays best attire - also good - fake dog tags on brightly colored yarn necklace
SwimTrunks....anytime!!!! But perfect for a night out to dinner when paired with a classy tank top featuring some sort of ball.
All tennis shoes must feature spiderman...accept nothing less!
Hawaiin style shirts are best paired with a brightly colored belt featuring either skulls or dragons or motorcycles.

But remember, nothing says style like the attitude it takes to pull it all off!

Poetix ha!

Yes a deviation from my normal mode of musings...


Complete

There is nothing now but new
rain on sprouting grass.
The tender blur of leaves on twining branches
masks not the taunts of black masses of birds,
nor cools the heat from wings pounding in unison-
one dark cloud rising.
In this Eden, I am the statue anchored
between the wild heavens and ancient earth.


Consecrated

I felt you stir
beyond the distance where temples of men
spew forth their righteous proclamations
A sure steady rising within, from depths
that leave even the oceans in their jealous frenzy
You fare not from my dreams, but a place
foreign to my experience, long awaited
in the dark contours of my being
Eclipsed not by heavens shadows, I revel
in the lightness of you
tempted not by the honey warm scent of heavens cup,
for I lay already drunk, lifting the lotus
of a thousand petals from my lips.
Among lifetimes you sought me, but it is in
this one that you draw me close
dissolved…in but a single breath,
perhaps a sigh…..complete



A New World

So we too found ourselves
in the unnamed place
between ordinary and extreme-
Where the North Wind fast froze
the scorching words that left our lips
and the echoless voice with no reminders
of these cruelties…
Just the roaring jagged edges
of this glacier of accusations that
declares itself a monument to those
dark places within, concealing a fire
so hot that it cannot burn
I too conceal deep fires but choose
instead, to dig in with the grit
of my years, and blow by blow
I chip away at the glacier
edging closer to the top
to be reborn in the warmth of the sun.

Small Town Bounty

While there are no little pink houses here, the little town of Lebanon is the Working Mans Wonderland. Yes, this is my happy ever after...for the time being anyway. And as I drive through town I can't help but wonder how some things came to be. In a town that has a "feels like" population of 1200, why are there 5 Subway shops? One for each of the 5 people you will ever see at the park on the walking trail? Is Lebanon a mini-LA with its two sushi joints? Oh and I'm not talking the Mongolian all you can eat Buffet with Sushi on the bar but official blade slinging asian know how. Also enchanting is the Donut Palace...home of the giant cinnamon roll and the cute little asian man who hangs out the drive through window and says..."heh-woah, howe ah jew todeeeeee?" I love that. There are also 6 funeral homes, I guess for all the people that didn't take the opportunity to eat Sub fresh. 4 Dollar General stores because where else can you get cheap flowers to put on all those gravesites. Oh and 3 flea markets. Taking a step back and looking at the big picture, it seems that the circle of life here is to eat light, shop thrifty and die. But the thing that really makes this little town sparkle, is that we have our very own princess. She's the new principal at my kids elementary school. The first time I saw her I was in the school pick up line. Me and about 200 dads that are suddenly able to pick up the kids after all. There she was, on a warm sunny day, in her pretty pastel floral FITTED top and her flowing pink skirt akin to June Cleaver. And she made it work with her little pink pumps. From the back I could only see the most beautiful long flaxen hair. And when she spun around it was like watching a shampoo commercial, hair flying, teeth gleaming and a little glimmer in her eye as she shut the car door and waved goodbye to the car rider she just loaded. There was a universal sigh from all the dads, the kids adored her, and she even waved to all the haggard moms who were sorry the school day was already over. She just spent the day with over 300 kids and still looked daisy fresh. As I pulled forward, I was careful to watch out for the little woodland creatures I felt certain were hanging about. I even went as far as to crack the window just to see if she was actually singing when she said "Alright children, wait for the cars to come to a complete stop". Of all the Disney Princesses, she is Sleeping Beauty. Enchanting.


Makes me think of a carol...

7 dads a sighing, 6 Funeral Homes. 5 Subway shops, 4 dollar stores, 3 flea markets, 2 sushi bars and a princess at the elementary schoooool.

Oh GREAT!!....Expectations!

You know, I'm a talker. And I can admit to overanalyzing things too - sometimes to my own detriment. But I dont understand why this whole "communication thing" is such a big deal. You open your mouth and words come out. We've been doing it all our lives. However, talk about emotions or relationships and you might as well be speaking in tongue. I know, even I get tongue-tied and supershy when it comes to all this "junk" so to put the question to a non-talker - well don't expect much in return. Not that it's a bad thing. My lesson for the week, you can't change people but you can change your expectations of them. So you are dating/married/stalking a non-talker. Ok. Who isnt? Sure is frustrating...but it's frustrating for both sides. I mean the pressure we talkers put on the non-communicative! And the outcome never really equals the effort. So just stop talking. Yep, that's what I said. People communicate in so many ways and I guess as a talker I expect "talking" to be universal. But since I've stopped and taken a moment, I realize that I can 'hear' so much more about what someone is saying, once I take note of what their language is. Putting our own expectations on our partner really just adds to the stress of the relationship. Not that you should be a doormat for anyone! BUT expectations can leave both people disappointed...one feels misunderstood and the other feels inadequate.

Before we start talking, maybe we should listen to the language of our partner first.

As an aside I need to make a clarification...more than a talker, I'm a writer. Therefore, what I cant get out in a conversation typically ends up in a REALLY REALLY long email. I might tend to elaborate a little much. But hey, that's my language, ya know?

Strange Brew

Once you are tagged you must tell 10 weird, strange, or just simple facts about yourself

Here is mine...

1. I have to pick off the chocolate that surrounds Twix and Kitkats because I only like the inside part. And I like chocolate, I just dont want it screwin up my twix and kitkat!

2. I'm freakishly cold. I always have to have a blanket or socks on my feet. hmm

3. I like the taste of envelope glue.haha Yes I do!

4. My most favorite smell is when my kids were babies and their feet would get sweaty...I liked to smell their little toes...I mean it wasnt stinky like grown people..just sweet little baby sweat.

5. My Grannys cousin was Joan Crawford...ya know...Mommy dearest...the actress that beat her kids with clothes hangers...the only woman to accept an oscar from her bed at home...BIZARRO!!

6. I love eating communion wafers. THey are so yummy. But then our church switched to actual bread and I was sad.

7. If I drink coke it HAS TO BE FROM THE FOUNTAIN!! Not can, not bottles...the FOUNTAIN!

8. I still like to read Trixie Belden books from when I was little.

9. I dont like bugs that have sticky legs so when you try to flick them off and all they do is stick to your finger....yeah I'm probably gonna flip out over that.

10. I love to read Uncle Remus stories to the kids using all my Brer voices...and yeah...I got brer rabbit, fox and bear down. I even have an uncle remus voice.

So now you know....;-)

E to the M to the O

Speaking of going emo, know what I'd like to see? The Emo Elmo doll. I hate the tickle me elmo but the Emo Elmo would be really cool in his little Hot Topic outfit, his jet black hair, maybe some eyeliner even, and his own little pack of blades for cutting. And he would have cool yet tormented phrases he would say like "Only Elmo friends 'get' him" and "Grey is the color of Elmo world every day" and my fave ...."Cutting makes Elmo feel".