Average Women's Secrets

2005...2009... still applicable I'd say:

Ok let me clarify, it is the secrets of the average woman, not average secrets of exceptional women. It starts like this. I am just lazing in the shower, which is secret #1 really. Average woman with children's escape - the shower!! Typically no one follows you in. Well sometimes the 3 yr old runs and jumps in and spends MY shower time sliding from one end of the tub to the other. But not so today. I just left the kids alone and escaped. And I thought maybe I might just shave my legs but the water was just so warm that all i could do was the sway. Then the reverie was broken as the 6 yr old came in screaming fanatically about a fire in the house. OH MY GOD! THey've been playing with matches again probably. SO i grab a towel and my mind is racing about how it has FINALLY happened. I am going to be outside my burning house in nothing but a too small towel, some seriously unshaven legs, a greenish clay facial mask still caked on me face...and voila! the Glory. Turns out the "fire" was only all the steam from the shower billowing into the damn bedroom. Glad there was no fire but a little perturbed that my reverie was so horridly shattered. Which brings me to the secrets of an average woman with kids. Let's just get them out there, free myself and indulge all the clueless guys who think marriage is about getting poonanny anytime they want.(hehehe i said poonanny)


#1. You will have sex WAY less once you are married esp with kids. There is probably a very mathematical ratio for this in which the more kids, the less sexual encounters you have of any kind. It happens. TO everyone.

#2. Silky smooth legs HAHAHAHAHA nope forget it! Moms rarely have time for a shower let alone time to shave those legs that the men dont get to touch anyway, not to mention bikini, pits, etc etc etc ....However, weird equation here...while you may see a nice looking, well dressed lady at the store, she prob has 2" long leg and pit hairs, a crazy ass "fun patch" for lack of better terms, BUT no doubt she has taken pains to pluck every last stray eyebrow because THAT is so much more noticeable than gorilla legs, oh and heaven forbid there be a chin hair.

#3. Women like meat. I dont care how friggin vegetarian you are, if you grew up eating meat you STILL like it. My sister is a vegetarian and I am FOREVER catching her eating BBQ and turkey.

BTW - she is not a vegetarian any more...for the most part.