Women and the Pimps who Scorn Them... 2005

2005 Recap:
Well I am on a role tonight and inspired by the last blog entry I feel we should note the great effort of men this year to push women at least back into the kitchen if not the stone age.

So here is the A-list of the females and the men who bitch slapped them...

Mary-Kate and Ashley vs. The reporter who simply stated that even with their own make- up line, there was no way to hide their orangutuan inspired features!! - ooh cruel and harsh - I mean let's cut the twin stick figures some slack - or as daddy likes to call them...my little money monkeys. oops...well so what if they resemble one of our apish friends, let's not draw attention to it. After all self esteem is something one really can't buy in LA and apparently you can't find it in rehab either.

Any woman who dated Colin Farrell vs. Colin Farrell Yeah I probably spelled your name wrong you egomaniacal man (note that you can't have egomaniacal without the man in the middle) He lists his favorite personality trait as megalomania. FOr those with a small dictionary - it means ME MAN
CARRY BIG STICK...Get your head out of your bum and your dick out of the 1/3 of the female population you copulated with this year...try Sexaholics Anonymous - it worked for Michael Douglas and he now has the benefit of being 70 and getting to bone catherine zeta-jones once a month.

Katie Holmes vs.Tom Cruise Why well because he just flat out took advantage of her sweet and trusting dispostion. In fact I can picture tom saying "yeah I like it in dis position right here...oh yeah" Ask Katie a
year ago if she thought she would become a scientologist, get preggers and have her own sweet man buy an ultrasound to "watch" the baby...well you might think it was a plot to one of the thrillers she so likes to do. Run girl...GET AWAY!!! Do NOT let him give the baby to the aliens.

My friend Dena vs.her sorry ass boyfriend I was obligated to put her on the list as her fella is just a loser who spends more time in womens clothes than she does. Plus he had her move to Montana so he could "harvest timber"...the only thing he has ever harvested has been a nickel bag of weed. Loser!

Kate Moss vs. the Wiley Reporter who set her up and caught her on video doing cocaine and sold it to everyone!! But he missed the point entirely. So what if she was doing 1 or 10 lines of cocaine, back when she started modeling the main menu was to snort down a 1/2 brick of heroine. I say that is a good sign that she has given up a bad habit for a good one. If you had to look that austere (bummed out, ravaged) walking down the runway, you would have to be coming down from a good high. As long as she doesn't tilt right off the catwalk, let her strut her stuff.

Sienna Miller vs. Jude Law because he just cant keep his snogging stick in his pants. Bad enough that your unwed girlfriend is preggers when you do it, but to do it with the BABYSITTER. Sienne and Jude, note to selves, DO NOT HIRE A HOT BABYSITTER!! Next time try a gay sitter and if Jude finds himself in bed with the sitter then, well there may be a whole new issue other than infidelity that Jude has to deal with.

Jennifer Aniston vs. Brad freaking Pitt  - even his publicist cant put a spin on the Brangelina fiasco.

My Cat vs. Her Daddy well it is a tragic year and a sordid story of the rape of my teenage cat by her father, the ensuing impregnation, and then the birth of kittens of highly questionable intelligence. Just tragic.

Rebecca vs. Randall and in perhaps the WORST PUBLIC BITCH SLAPPING EPISODE OF 2005 - Randall denies Rebecca on the Apprentice the opportunity to oversee an entirely different project than his ALL because he didn't want to share that coveted title of Apprentii with Rebecca. NOW Randall, didn't your momma teach you how to play fair? BUt as we all know, they were both stars, Randalls slowly fizzing out and Rebeccas...well it is just shining brighter than ever. You go girl, and tell Randall he aint yo Huggy Bear no mo'