Tortuous Rants

I CONTINUE to be hounded by the tortuous rants of strangers. In a brief recap:


weird military recruit guy:
"I know secret chinese texts. If i touch a nerve in your knee you will shit yourself and act like the first animal that comes into your mind"

Guy at a restaurant/bar type place: very serious about the first part too...
"I don't let my kids watch shows that devalue the family unit...oh man check out that a$$! I'm gonna go see if I can hit that."

A pretty funny large lady at walmart in the vegetable aisle:
"my husband wanted me to buy a can of 'screw me all night' at the store. I said I'd pick that up when I can find a can of 'shut up and pick up your shit' ."

a guy friends boy of the moment:
"that girls cooch is so nasty i just call it beaver putty"

Old people at the dr's office: and this went on for about 10 min because she had to keep repeating it very loudly because her mother was 85 and deaf:

daughter: "I can't remember the name of that girl that died. Something Schiavo."
old mom: "who?"

Daughter YELLING: "THAT SCHIAVO GIRL - Mary, no barry, no carrie,no mary no i said that"
Old woman: "what?"

Daughter YELLING again: "I SAID MARY ALREADY"
Old Woman: "no not mary"

Daughter: "Now I have to start over. Barry, carrie, ferry....now that's not even a name."
Old woman: "what?"

Daughter: "FERRY ISNT EVEN A NAME"
Old Woman: "no it sure isnt"

daughter: "barry, carrie. ferry. larry. mary. perry. "
old woman: "you said that SCHIAVO girl"

daughter yelling: "YES BUT IT ISNT MARY OR CARRIE AND I JUST CANT THINK OF IT RIGHT NOW"
then some mumbling, then again    "barry, carrie, gary..."

and i just wanted to turn around and yell "FOR GOD's SAKE IT WAS TERRI - T-E-R-R-I"
But i just figured I had let it go on too long by then and she would be like well why didnt you tell me that 5 min ago.